Coming of Age

It is always a shock when you see the first liver-colored spot on your hands or face. Then one day you are looking at your arms and legs and you flex a muscle in dismay. The top layer of skin has a rippled look like wind gently blowing over water--wrinkles. You go to pluck your eyebrows and energetically pull the white hairs out--they were never there before. Somehow that streak of gray in your hair got wider without your even noticing it--until you brush your hair in a different direction and discover a whole layer of it underneath. You used sunblock faithfully but the crow's feet are getting more pronounced, and that frown wrinkle between your eyes has gotten deep enough it never entirely disappears, even when you're not frowning. You start flexing and stretching before exercising, because a strain or sprain has taught you that not doing so is foolish and injury likely if you don't. You go to the next room to get something and can't remember what it was by the time you arrive there. You stop, think through what you were doing, and why you might need something, and eventually it comes to you--ah, I'm in the pantry to get the ... honey!

But there is good news! You've wised up some. There are mistakes you don't repeat any more. There are things you get done, because time is more precious. There are lots of things you don't worry about any more, because you've come to see they aren't worth it. You have things to look back on and see what has been accomplished. It is good to see how far you've come. You've learned that experience is the best teacher--so you try to give less advice and pray more. You have more stories to tell and more to laugh about! And when things are not going well, you panic less. Things really do pass on. You realize there is always something to get riled up about, and when the current crisis is over another one will follow. We do live in a fallen world. You get riled up because you love many things in this world that is terminally ill. You view generations like people standing in line--one generation passes through the veil and you step up in the queue. Occasionally you are shocked when someone behind you takes cuts and steps through first, but your turn is coming. You try to grow in faith, to keep your fears in check, and keep your soul clean. Because the age is coming when what matters most is how you've lived and who you love most.

Fading Away

I hate to keep talking about my hearing loss, but that seems to be what is on my mind a lot. With good reason. In the last few weeks I've noticed another decline. It may be that I can't talk on the phone any more. Just ask Laura. We had a ridiculous "conversation" this morning which was basically Laura shouting into her phone one word at a time and me guessing what it was. I was able to help her, but anyone listening at Laura's end must have thought she was talking to a moron. If you talk to me in person and I have a blank look on my face, chances are I have no clue what you are saying...

I'm going to the library later on. It is time to get books or videos on sign language. Anyone want to join me in this venture?

Not Making Much Progress

but I'm having fun along the way, sometimes. Not sure which direction progress is, most of the time. Not even sure what it looks like when I get there--but it's not a place you stay. Just move on, buddy.

The Crazies Within Us

Everyone has little things that they are absolutely crazy about, and I don't mean that in the sense of something you just love. I mean the borderline, if not over the line, obsessive-compulsive it's-gotta-be-my-way things that you are a little insane to insist on. When we are honest with ourselves, we realize that we are being unreasonable in these areas, BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY WE ARE (or so we think). Most of these things are petty little ticklish areas, and we realize the real issue is not the thing in itself, but the control we feel we need. When these areas come into direct clash with someone who does it differently, turmoil results, and we learn how much we still need to grow in charity. Does it really matter how the table is set, or if the pictures all hang straight on the wall all the time, or what we use to sweep the floor? I could question dozens of trivial things, and the answers would all be the same: no, because they are trivial. We can know we are sane when we can distinguish the difference, and if we can't, we probably will never figure out how crazy we are. It's the other guy!

You Gotta Love It...

when A-Rod hits a homer.

when you pull into the passing lane, push on the accelerator, and hear that VROOOM as your back pushes into the seat and you lunge forward.

when you do a hard Sudoku without penciling in any little numbers to complete it.

when you type the last letter of the last word of a paper you stayed up all night to complete.

when you go over every entry for the entire year in your bank account, find several mistakes that you fix, and it balances the first time you check it when done.

when you're doing what you love best and are in the zone.

when you make that last car payment.

when you plan a surprise that is a little tricky and pull it off.

when a pro-life Republican ousts a pro-abortion Democrat.

when you hear and feel that thump on the runway after a flight through lots of turbulence.

when Art Garfunkel hits that last note in "Bridge Over Troubled Waters".

when you whap that ping-pong ball and it hits the very tip of your opponent's corner.

when the rain is pattering down on your parched and thirsty garden.

So what's yours?

Hurry Up and Slow Down

It seems like the less you have to do the less you get done, and the more you have to do, the more you amaze yourself at what you can get done in a short amount of time. I really prefer the latter scenario, because I like being productive, but I think everyone needs some of both. We can't go blazes all the time, so when we finally go into slo-mo every little effort becomes exhausting.

On Being Original

How many people in the world are there now? Six billion? The number doesn't really matter. It's a lot of people. I ask myself now and then, what will it take in the future to come up with an original idea--something no one else has thought of? The answer comes to me now and then in a way that makes me want to kick myself. Hard. It will be very hard.

I wrote a book and it sits on my closet shelf getting dusty and yellowed while I screw up the courage to someday maybe send it to a publisher. In the meantime, I read, read, read, and die agonies when yet another author out there has written something with MY IDEA in it! And I tell myself, those publishers are going to think I just ripped off this author, when the truth be told, I wrote my book before this guy, or at least before I read his work. So as time goes by, I feel less and less inclined to enter the fray since what I have done will be nothing new under the sun.

And yet the author of life keeps making new people every day, each one never seen before. And astronomers keep finding new galaxies, all unique and thrilling beyond belief. And biologists keep finding out that life is much more complicated than they thought, and so intricately lovely. And artists, musicians, and actors keep creating exquisitely beautiful expressions.

So maybe there is hope after all that I, the only me in the whole world, in my individual originality, could create something that I could call all my own...