Saturday, February 20, 2010

Why Being a Pessimist Helps Me Cope

I don't like being a pessimist. I wish my mind worked differently. But it doesn't. However there are some distinct advantages to always expecting the worst to happen.
1. Most of the time it doesn't.
2. I will be ready for anything.
3. I've planned all your funerals many times over already, (after your tragic, sudden and unexpected death) so when things need to get decided, I'll have a plan in hand already. If you have song requests, I can accommodate you with early notification.
4. Happy things become such wonderful surprises,
5. and sad things are no surprise at all.
6. I can laugh at the times to come because someone once said, "Comedy is tragedy plus time." It might be Woody Allen, but I can't confirm that.
7. Planning what to do when the worst (which never happens) happens provides many hours of concentrated entertainment.
8. I get to be the heroine in all my imagined tragedies.
9. When bad things happen, I can be calm because I saw it coming.
10. My one hope is heaven, and I sure as hell intend to get there.


John Lynch said...

If you actually believe #1, are you still a pessimist?

Lisa said...

The answer is number 10.