Sunday, December 23, 2012

Better Form

Life doesn't always go the way we want it to, and we often have to compromise or give up our preferences for others. The hard part is knowing when to give in and when to speak up. I'm very good at not speaking up and conceding before my preference is even known. I even found myself saying out loud to my husband today, "I gave up having preferences a long time ago." Was that true? Not really. What is true is that I don't think about my preferences much, since with most things, it hardly matters which way something goes. Most of the time I just want a decision made so things move forward. I don't want to spend a lot of time on negotiations, especially when I suspect that the outcome will leave me feeling guilty if I got what I wanted or resentful because I didn't.

What I most wish is that the "guilty" and "resentful" feelings would go away. Better yet, that they would be replaced by a joy in the circumstances that did work out. I am happy on the surface about giving way, but I would like that happiness to sink deep down. I am pleased on the surface when I get my preference, but feeling wary deep down that I've disappointed others. It seems that there is a deeper generosity that I'm lacking--the "cheerful giver" generosity. If I had that, then my giving way would be in better form.


L. H. Lynch said...

I wish you would give up less, because it robs the rest of us the pleasure of giving something up for you. We're left having to guess at what your preferences may be, which is frustrating, and not nearly so rewarding. And if we never get a chance to practice giving things up, how do you expect us to work on our "better form"?

Lisa said...

Yes, I recognize this is a huge fault of mine. But the truth is that I have been doing it so long, that it often is a real puzzle to me what my preference is.