Thursday, July 15, 2010

Discipline and the Deep Rut

There's a fine balance between being disciplined and digging a trench so deep we can't get out of it. I made a decision this summer to spend my mornings in the yard, with two clearly defined goals, and to spend the afternoons on my computer, with less defined goals but achievable results. It's been a good decision for the most part. Sometimes I rebel.

The yard work is grueling, but the vision in front of me keeps me at it. It is the possibly delusional idea that, once I complete some specific projects, yard work will become easier on a maintenance mode than a creation mode, and that somehow I will be satisfied with that.

The computer work is a grind. I reward myself with small breaks to check on my Scrabble game or to play Word Twist. If I can crank out a few well-designed lesson handouts each day I am satisfied. This project feels more like Atlas trying to heave off the weight of the world, and each page completed is a grunting heave towards freedom from that burden.

How do you tell when you have crossed the line from disciple to rut? Well, if it rains this morning, you won't find me outside...

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